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| The reindeer and drum ornaments are stalwarts, the fairy lights new, the juniper sprig from the Jardin. |
The worst Christmas Eve that I remember was during one of my early years out of law school. I was the most junior associate, there were deliverables that had to go out, and I was stuck drafting and running changes - paying my dues. But they needed to be reviewed, and I was taking them well into the evening into the partner's office - where she looked them over while wrapping Christmas gifts for her children. And it was then that I realized that the work demands would not change upon grasping that brass ring. I got out to Queens that night late - took a car, but it was close to midnight when I arrived; it felt terrible. And the knowledge of the hefty bonus to come that year didn't make any sort of dent in that feeling.
There have probably been late-working Christmas Eves in the years since. But that one left an impression - the partner's rolls of wrapping paper, the tape and scissors, the bag of unwrapped gifts.
This year was only a hair better. The political uncertainty and (positive - IMHO) election results nonetheless have meant a tsunami of year-end work, which dominated my day. Truth be told, I could have done much of it earlier, but my ability to focus has been very elusive. And then we had this rainstorm, and Sissy got nervous about the winds and insisted on battening down the hatches and not driving with the risk of falling trees - all overblown worries, I predict. Sissy is prone to overblown worries. (Though the garden shed that blew over earlier this year did seem to be struggling against the wind when we were out there tying it down.) But, anyway, she and Mother Hen called off Christmas Eve, so this is maybe the first we haven't been in Queens or with the folks. I suppose because it was a choice, it felt not as forlorn. In some ways, it was pleasant to get to slow down.
And so ... Christmas Eves future - what will they be like? My goal is to not repeat the ones described above - the pinched time, the rush home, the scramble for leftover scraps of the day, shoehorning family time and rituals into a workday rather than the workday ceding to the holidays and family... And I think that requires jumping off the hamster wheel. Twenty years feels like enough dues paying time. So, we'll have to check in on status next Christmas Eve....
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