Better, Incrementally

Reflecting on one "Great Resignation" - My Own

Rum cake, produced by a Black woman owned and operated Upstate business that had set up by the firm cafeteria earlier in December. Shared tonight at the Mothership.

Yesterday was the last day at work this first full calendar year with my BigFin employer, as next week I will be off for Christmas and am taking vacation days until the new year. So it seems a good time to take a step back and assess.

Generally, I feel this job is so much better for my well-being. Though on a daily basis, I wonder where the time goes, still, and am incredulous that maybe I was better able to keep my life in order while at BigLaw?!!

Better: That I can schedule vacation days at year end without coordinating with all of my colleagues and feeling guilted (living locally and being childless and not Christian or Jewish) into being on duty and covering work assignments during the time between Christmas and New Year when everyone else is off. The lack of anxiety about being responsible for implementing year-end estate planning. That vacation days away are by and large respected. Summer wellness days. Perhaps they are only superficial, but the employer campaigns around promoting good eating, women and minority and disabled owned and operated small businesses, supporting charitable monetary contributions and for community volunteerism through matching funds. That my supervisors are not micromanagers, though I've come to the realization that maybe I need a little more of that for full productivity; so far, however, my ok productivity seems to be good enough (knock on wood). That the saner pace and respect for my time, respect for ME, has allowed me to spend more quality time and be actually PRESENT with the people I care about, and also to volunteer and participate in mentoring programs - activities I also care about. That was the goal, the whole point of changing jobs.

And yet: My home remains a mess; so much so that I have yet to host. The Jardin is as feral as it's been in a while. I cook less than I did and snack for dinner more regularly than I care to admit. I regularly fall asleep on the couch trying to multitask and watch the late evening news, awaken in the middle of the night, and then drag myself into bed. My exercise routine feels rather cursory and irregular. There are days when I cannot manage to get out of bed before afternoon, as if I were still burnt out - maybe there's lingering PTSD from BigLaw? These are all regular life maintenance routines that I want to be more diligent about and handle better.

Suspected impediments: Too much time spent perusing social media. Lack of appropriate media devices in the kitchen. Cluttered abode cluttering my mind.

Goals: Tackle those, and see if those areas of my daily life that are in disarray can't be straightened out so that the true promise of this job, and of my home life, can be unlocked. Some of that starts next week during my staycation. Wish me luck!